Stop Kicking Yourself Over Past Mistakes And Failures

Harvey Mackay, bestselling author of Swimming With The Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive, had the following to say about beating yourself up over past mistakes. Worrying about the past or the future isn't productive. When you start chastising yourself for past mistakes, or seeing disaster around every corner, stop and take a breath and ask yourself what you can do right now to succeed.” That’s smart advice. Berating yourself leads to discouragement. It also makes you wary of taking risks. You become risk-averse, gripped by an ever-growing fear of failure. In most jobs, relationships and personal pursuits, fear of failure is a liability. It impairs our ability to make decisions. It holds us back from accomplishing the goals we set for ourselves. That’s the effect of dwelling on mistakes you’ve made in the past. You end up recoiling from challenges, and thereby stunting your personal and professional growth. Your productivity also suffers a major blow.

How This Bad Habit Hurts Your Productivity 

Regret is normal since mistakes are a part of life. It can even be beneficial if it’s experienced in the context of introspection. Self-analysis helps us to learn more about ourselves and make positive changes that lead to better outcomes. Having said that, brooding over your mistakes, overthinking them to the point of despair, is unhealthy. It can hobble your ability to work productively in four ways. First, it’s easy to become consumed by your past failures. You become wracked by guilt, which dominates your thoughts. Second, the more you obsess about your mistakes, the less likely you’ll forgive yourself. That unforgiving attitude can erode your motivation to work. You’ll needlessly spend time rebuking yourself rather than working on the tasks and projects on your to-do list. Third, mental self-flagellation will eventually affect your health. Studies have shown that negative thoughts and emotions can have an adverse effect on our physical well-being. Over time, such thoughts and emotions set the stage for depression and feelings of helplessness. It’s difficult to be productive when you feel like you have no control over your life. The fourth way kicking yourself for past failures impedes your productivity is that it causes you to miss out on opportunities. You spend so much time being angry with yourself and remaining fearful of making mistakes that you fail to act on things that might help you to get things done. For example, you might avoid asking your boss for direction on a project if you feel unworthy of his or her attention given your past mistakes. Change starts today. Below, you’ll find seven Action Steps that will help you to forgive yourself, let go of past failures and move on with your life.

Action Steps 

1. Embrace failures as learning opportunities. Doing so requires having (or developing) a growth mindset. That’s an attitude that approaches setbacks as chances to improve specific areas of your life. It takes time to develop this perspective. Rest assured, your life will change once you do.

2. Look for opportunities to improve your workflow. Failure is feedback about something you’re doing. That something is either working or not working. Whenever you fail, ask yourself whether there’s a better approach. For example, suppose past projects have stalled due to your lack of knowledge or expertise. Ask yourself if you should research things before starting work on future projects.

3. Acknowledge your role in making the mistake. At first, this might seem to contradict the advice give above. After all, acknowledging your role is akin to beating yourself up over it, right? Not necessarily. Instead, you’re recognizing that you’re in control. Being in control means you can influence outcomes. In this case, that means being proactive and taking steps to improve your approach to work.

 4. Reevaluate your expectations. The tendency to kick yourself over past mistakes may stem from holding yourself to overly-high standards. Are you trying to be perfect? Or do you give yourself enough latitude to make mistakes now and again?

 5. Reevaluate your goals. Make certain they’re realistic and complement your workflow. For example, suppose you’ve imposed an aggressive deadline on yourself for a report needed by your boss. First, ask yourself if the deadline is realistic given your other responsibilities. Then, ask yourself whether your method of working will accommodate your deadline. If not, make adjustments - either to your deadline or your workflow.

6. Avoid television. Binge-watching your favorite shows may seem appealing if you’re down on yourself. But it can worsen your situation. Earlier, I mentioned that dwelling on past mistakes sets the stage for depression. Now consider that studies show binge-watching TV can lead to the same state. Your favorite television programs won’t help you to feel better. They’ll just help you to ignore the root cause of your despair.

7. Talk to a peer, mentor or accountability partner. If you’re feeling angry toward yourself, discuss your feelings with someone whose advice you trust. Don’t use the opportunity to vent. Instead, take advantage of the other person’s objectivity. Because that individual isn’t emotionally involved, he or she will have a more grounded perspective concerning your self-punishment.