Stop Getting Caught Up In Unnecessary Drama

Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.” - Alfred Hitchcock For some of us, conflict is a drug. We love to watch as drama engulfs those around us. Whether we’re listening to gossip or watching our coworkers feud, strife among others has a near-hypnotic effect on us. That’s one of the reasons reality television is so popular. It caters to our inner voyeurs. Our eagerness for drama stems from a variety of factors. Some people enjoy it because it gives them an outlet to passive-aggressively air their grievances. For example, suppose two people are arguing because one finds the other’s behavior irritating. The drama enthusiast will use the opportunity to express his or her own irritation about the latter party’s behavior. Other people are drawn to conflict because they want to help resolve it. They suffer from “white knight syndrome,” an irresistible need to rescue others. Doing so makes them feel important and valued among their peers. Still others are attracted to drama for the entertainment it offers. They live vicariously through it. They feel their lives are unexciting, and see strife among their peers as a way to liven things up. Yet others are drawn to it because they yearn for a distraction that will banish their boredom. They’re unmotivated to work, and their apathy prompts them to look for diversions. When one surfaces, they immediately gravitate toward it. A significant amount of time and energy are wasted every day on unnecessary and destructive feuds, both in the workplace and at home. In the workplace, it may arise in the form of office politics. At home, clashes might occur between family members. The involved parties devote considerable time and attention to gossiping, defending themselves against others’ allegations and making their adversaries appear to be culpable for any number of transgressions. Worse, the turmoil has a ripple effect. As more people become involved in the conflict, sides are chosen, responses are crafted and outcomes are calculated. Meanwhile, little work is getting done. Clearly, getting embroiled in drama, both at work and at home, will only diminish your ability to get things done in a time-efficient manner.

 How This Bad Habit Hurts Your Productivity 

The more you get caught up in drama, the more often you’ll deal with interruptions. Listening - or worse, participating - in gossip, consoling victims or joining antagonists sends a message that you’re available. You’re the only person you can count on to protect your time. If you fail to do so, others will interrupt you. Their interruptions will play havoc with your momentum and productivity. Another consequence of getting involved in others’ conflicts is that you become more susceptible to distractions. The drama promises more excitement than the tasks on your to-do list. As such, you become more and more inclined to drop whatever you’re doing to spectate. In the 2009 animated film “Up” (by Pixar), a dog named Dug was constantly distracted by squirrels. Their presence would distract him to the point that he would stop mid-sentence - he was able to communicate through a special collar - and whip his head around to look for them. Many people react the same way to even the slightest hint of conflict among their peers. In doing so, they forfeit their momentum and waste precious time. Becoming entangled in drama also tarnishes your image. Your peers - coworkers, friends and family members - see you choosing sides. If you choose the “wrong” side (or at least wrong in their opinion), you jeopardize your reputation. That may seem unfair. Nonetheless, the risk is real. Getting caught up in others’ disputes also generates needless friction between you and your coworkers. Your participation, even as an observer, can be perceived as lending support to one side or the other. Tempers can easily flare, causing the hostility between the quarreling parties to escalate. As the respective camps “circle their wagons,” it becomes more and more difficult to work together. That can have a profound effect on your productivity if you rely on others for data or other deliverables during the course of your day. Another side effect of involving yourself in others’ drama is stress. You become less productive, more distracted and more vulnerable to constant interruptions while your to-do list grows unchecked. You’re left with less time and focus to get things done, which places increased pressure on you. Meanwhile, the friction that arises between you and your coworkers creates unnecessary obstacles that impede your ability to complete projects. If you find that you’re regularly mired in others’ feuds, it’s time to make a change. Below, you’ll find seven action steps that will help you to break this destructive habit and return your focus to your work.

Action Steps

 1. Familiarize yourself with the types of personalities that create drama. Once you’re aware of them, you can take steps to lessen your exposure to them. For example, some people are adept at portraying themselves as victims. They rarely admit fault when given feedback, and instead point to others’ rudeness or general unfairness. Other people seem drawn to the role of harasser. They not only regularly find fault in their peers, but often give voice to their misgivings. Still others gravitate to the role of rescuer. These individuals take it upon themselves to defend perceived victims wherever conflicts arise.

 2. Limit your exposure to the victims, harassers and rescuers in your work environment. Doing so will help to insulate you from useless, time-wasting drama. Also, reevaluate any relationships that expose you to unnecessary negativity. For example, steer clear of people who constantly complain about unpleasant circumstances. Keep your distance from individuals who regularly try to enlist you to their sides in arguments with their peers. Rebuff those who tend to be manipulative, plotting against and sabotaging others’ efforts for their own gain.

3. Shun all gossip. Nothing good springs from talking about another person behind his or her back. On the contrary, the practice encourages the establishment of cliques. That, in turn, erects unnecessary walls between parties, which causes workplace productivity to deteriorate. If the gossip is about you, don’t bother defending yourself. There lies a rabbit hole that can engulf your time and attention to the detriment of your work. Remind yourself that gossip is comprised of rumors, vague insinuations, spiteful commentary and wild speculation. If someone asks you a question, respond with the facts. Then, get back to work. By doing so consistently, you’ll be perceived as a trustworthy source of information who has little interest in nonsense. Accordingly, gossip about you will quickly lose its allure and influence.

 4. When someone attempts to share gossip with you, ask that person to explain his or her reasons for doing so. That should stop the gossiper in his or her tracks. People gossip to feel superior over others. But few are willing to admit it. When they’re asked to explain themselves, most stammer and desist. That’s to your benefit since your goal is to avoid gossip.

5. Allow victims to fend for themselves. You’ll earn a reputation for rebuffing those who constantly blame others for their troubles and try to enlist others to their defense. Few victims exhaust their options before seeking help from potential rescuers. If a coworker approaches you and voices displeasure over a perceived slight by another person, immediately stop him or her. Ask whether he or she has discussed the slight with the person in question. If not, require that such a conversation take place before seeking your involvement.

6. If a victim attempts to recruit you to his or her side, empathize and explain that you’re busy. Most victims, when pressed, will refrain from claiming their circumstances deserve a higher priority than your work. Instead, they’ll look elsewhere for a potential rescuer. This is an alternative approach than the one recommended in Action Step #5. In that step, there was a possibility of getting involved after the victim talks to the harasser. Here, you’re making it clear that you intend to abstain from the conflict altogether.

7. Be clear in everything you say to others. Clear communication makes it difficult for people to misconstrue your words, intentionally or otherwise. That makes you a poor target for gossip. It will also help you to build a reputation as an honest and forthright person who has little patience for drama.